Partners ex refuses to buy dsd a new bra....

(128 Posts)
humptydidit Sat 08-Dec-12 12:23:28

Briefly... Dp's ex recently made a payment of £1000 through CSA for arrears accrued over the last 5 years. His regular payments from CSA have been £50 per month so this was a great unexpected windfall.

Dp went out and bought dsd and dss christmas presents (an x box and a tablet computer thing), took dsd to a martial arts competition (costing approx £100 in total), paid dsd's martial arts training fees for the month (£50) and generally stocked up the cupboards ready for christmas etc etc.

As you can imagine, it has mostly gone now.

Cut to today, dsd is out shopping with her mum. We are being bombarded by dsd and ex-wife by texts demanding that dp pays for a new bra for dsd (15). Dp said no based on the fact that he is off work at the moment and money is tight and also that dsd has at least 3 other bras in the correct size in her drawer which she refuses to wear because they are not padded enough hmm

dp eventually agreed to go halves on the bra but that wasn't good enough and is now getting it in the neck because of the £1000 payout.

AIBU to think that if ex-wife agreed to take dsd shopping, then she should at least go halves on it? Especially since it is an extra, not an essential.

givemeaclue Sat 08-Dec-12 12:25:10

Confused re who all the people are, can someone clarify?

Witchety Sat 08-Dec-12 12:26:24

How old is dsd?
They grow and she may feel too embarrassed to tell her dad

As far as money is concerned, what was he going to use to get Xmas presents before he knew of this windfall?

givemeaclue Sat 08-Dec-12 12:26:28

Ok I have got it now.

It's just a bra, just pay half for it and move on. Ex sounds a bit hopeless.

ImperialBlether Sat 08-Dec-12 12:26:38

Does your stepdaughter live with you and your partner?

Frankly, I wouldn't have mentioned the word 'bra' to my father, never mind expected him to pay for it. I don't think it's up to him to decide whether her bras are suitable for her and probably would've given her the money for it if she'd asked. His ex has a nerve, though.

Bonsoir Sat 08-Dec-12 12:26:45

They fight about paying for bras? shock No wonder their marriage ended...

Words fail me.

Witchety Sat 08-Dec-12 12:27:00

And who gets tax credits/child benefit for her?

MammaTJ Sat 08-Dec-12 12:27:42

No idea!!

What she said ^

FestiveWench Sat 08-Dec-12 12:28:18

No idea.
Depends who lives where and who makes what usual financial contributions.

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 08-Dec-12 12:29:22

Poor girl.
Ridiculous thing for the adults to be squabbling over.

pinkyredrose Sat 08-Dec-12 12:30:21

Why did he spend the £1000 on unessential things if he's off work and money is tight?

HoolioHallio Sat 08-Dec-12 12:30:56

That poor child. Tell your DP to buy the bloody bra and stop playing games. It's up to someone else to set the Ex straight.

Poor DSD if her parents can't even agree on who is paying for a bra. Both of her parents need to grow up and stop fighting about minor issues imo.

So your DP's ex wife made finally paid the arrears that had accrued over 5 years and is now expecting your DP to use that money on a shopping trip that she's taken their DD on?

No, that doesn't sound fair, but it also sounds like a pretty minor thing to get in an argument over.

Thumbwitch Sat 08-Dec-12 12:32:25

I wouldn't ever have mentioned the word "bra" to my Dad either, Imperial!
Bras were between mother and daughter in our house, no male involvement at all.
As such, I think her mum should have just paid for it (I'm assuming it's not a La Perla type and therefore in the normal realms of cost?)

NatashaBee Sat 08-Dec-12 12:33:24

Sounds like she's trying to claw back the CSA money whichever way she can. YANBU, but the girl must be mortified at her bras being discussed with her father. Who normally pays for her clothes, can you give her an allowance to buy her own and tell her that once that's gone, no more?

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 08-Dec-12 12:33:33

Oh, and a padded bra stops your nipples showing through, as well as perhaps giving her a bit of confidence in her shape if she needs it.

Witchety Sat 08-Dec-12 12:33:35

A bra is an essential.... Xbox, tablet and Christmas food ( this early??) are not!

So you get maintenance, child benefit tax credits and a £1000 on top and you fail to check she is ok for the basics???

SirBoobAlot Sat 08-Dec-12 12:34:49

I'm completely lost.

Either way its just a bra.

RedHelenB Sat 08-Dec-12 12:41:11

Most non residence parents would expect the resident parent to provide clothing I think. And a bra is an essential.

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird Sat 08-Dec-12 12:41:37

Ok I'm guessing you are a man whose partner has two DC and a pricky ex.
Your Dp should quit whining and buy the bra.

Montybojangles Sat 08-Dec-12 12:44:24

Who's living with who, I'm confused (or blond)

JaquelineHyOnChristmasSpirit Sat 08-Dec-12 12:45:50

So DD has 4 bras in total, the 3 in her drawer and the one she was wearing.

They are the correct size and I am presuming some what padded as you said she wants one that is more padded.

I think some people are being too harsh on you OP.

DD has enough essentials and doesn't need another bra but wants another bra.

DD's Mum has taken her shopping for the day and is now demanding your dp pays for what dd wants (I suspect it wouldn't have mattered whether it was a bra or knickers or a bloody ipod she would have still expected dp to cough up because she finally paid the maintenance she owed)

I think your dp has been good enough to offer to pay for half and he should stick to his guns and refuse to pay any more.

squeakytoy Sat 08-Dec-12 12:48:31

i wasnt confused until I read the other posts.. surely the person who paid the £1000 is the ex wife, and the daughter is resident with her father..

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